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13 Douchebag Moves To Pull At the Crag

13 Douchebag Moves To Pull At the Crag

1. Cajole a newbie into leading a hard route. Get creative – use peer pressure!

2. Bail off a route, then ask someone to rescue your draws. ‘You’re gonna climb it too, right??’

3. Eat someone’s Cliff Bar

4. Set up a toprope on a popular sport route on a busy weekend, then work the shit out of the route for hours. ‘You’re just gonna have to wait till I get the redpoint, folks.’

5. Ask to borrow someone’s rope, then take huge whippers on it

6. When hanging draws for a weaker partner on a long route, skip a bolt or two, and send up the next leader with no extra draw

7. Project a route for an hour, then leave quickly without offering to belay your partner

8. Shout beta as someone’s going for an onsight, then yell ‘NICE FLASH, DUDE!’

9. Promise a short climber that the route has no reachy moves when you need to be jack-in-the-beanstock to reach the critical hold

10. After everyone leaves, poop at the base of a route (EWW!)

11. Yell ‘it eases up!’ when it really gets a LOT harder

12. Hang the draws for a weaker climber, making sure to put a draw with a locking biner at the crux; and LOCK the biner.

13. Carry a small backback which doesnt fit gear or rope, then ask to join in with a group

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About Jesse James

Jesse James is a Canadian rock climber, venture capitalist, futurist, philosopher, technologist, physicist, vegan, social activist, nutrition researcher, adventurer, writer and (sometimes) poet.

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